supposed go see doc ytd to skip sch today & tmr wan... but when i went ytd, the clinic was closed by the time i got there.. haishh, today is mother tongue thad means is chinese!! and my worst subject through my entire life is chinese!! so hard the 2nd compre, me passing thad paper is like zilch. if i pass, miracles do happen. tommorow papers is science and maths, my science hadn't always been so good, and i just passed last term. so not much chance pf passing. maths WAS my strongest subject, but due to playing/ sleeping/smsing and talking in class, i got 74.9 for maths last term!! an A2!! cant believe it!! need 0.1 more than A1 le!! why?!?! maybe i'll go Na next year, who knows?

i want go out! but exams here and no one got mood to go out! waiting for holidays to come then everyday go out!! okay maybe not everyday but most of the days lor! ^^

waiting for music marks to come out, see who got higher; me or jonathan?

my step-grandma going back ivory heights wid the maids on november something. so sad i cant go back wid them! she told me i must stay at teban there to 'keep the peace'. i dunno how to lo. she said something about thad if she go back, nigel (my brother) will bring his frens over, then my step-dad will quarrel wid my bio mum. so i must stat there to sort of keep them from argueing. i noe my mum prefer boys over girls and does not like me coz im a girl. she always pamper nigel even if he fails his exams, skips lessons, hangs out wid those people, all the bad stuff, she still loves him. even if he comes home at around 8 plus, she never scolds him.when i was still frens wid vennice they all, i come home around 6 or 7, she gives me a tongue lashing and always threatened me. she buys things for him dun buy for me. the only thing she gives me is only $ money, $ money and $ money. why cant she loves me the way she loves nigel?!
im noisy, talkative in primary school is because almost everyone noes me and what i ofter do. but in secondary school, im always so quiet, i dun even like being quiet. but wad can i do? i scared if i said one wrong thing or do one wrong thing, my frens might abandoned me the way vennice they all did. the day when they hand me the letter, was the saddest day of my life. i can never forget thad day, till today i still remember it clearly. like it was yesterday. i dun like growing in a broken family, especially in my type of family. my mum and step-dad side prefers nigel more than me. even if they dun tell me, i noe it myself through their actions and attitudes towards me. my dad and step mum side like me a little more but wads the difference? being in the stupid rainbow programme every tuesdays always remind me that i grew up in a broken family, kept reminding me of those days when i truly suffered. i hate going there but i had to put a smile on my face for everyone. like for example the closing ceremony for rainbow programme, they read a letter about a mum writing to their children, i heard it and some tears rolled down my cheecks, good thing the teachers want us to close our eyes so i think no one saw it even my frens who attend it wid me. while listening to it, i was thinking if it was ture then how nice it would be. questions like: then why did you divorce him? why did you do nothing when you noe i was being abused? why did you act so carin in front of others while behind closed doors, you ignore me, you treat me like invisible? deep inside of me i really want a nice and loving family, but why does god gave me a family like this?! a life like this?! when i went to siew ying house during mid autumm festival, i saw how close she and her mum were. i was so jealous. if only my family was like this, i dun mind being a goody goody two shoes. i kept doing bad stuff to attact thier attention but to no avail. i tried getting good grades because i noe nigel cant get it, its still the same. nothing i do can attract their attention. even when i cut my hand, the reaction is still the same; nothing! why do i have such a bad life?! why me?! so wad if im rich and have tons of money? i want a loving family. im willing to give money up for it. nothing i do is going to work. maybe in my next life, i'll get a better life, a better family.. maybe..... maybe not....